the secret lives of prothros.

September 25, 2008

Awesome blosom, extra awesome

Filed under: Uncategorized — prothro @ 2:18 pm

So tonight is the night. After a summer of horrible TV (I mean Jerry Springer hosting a talent show judged by Hasselhoff? How low will we go America?) and of course there was the writer’s strike that cut last season short, leaving us only the lame “unscripted” reality shows, The Office finally returns tonight. In honor of this epic (slight exaggeration) event, I’ll share a few favorite quotes from seasons’ past.

Michael Scott: Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he’s really not a part of our family. Also, he’s divorced, so he’s really not a part of his family.

Dwight Schrute: In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, ‘Ow, I hurt my leg. I can’t run. A lion eats me. I’m dead.’ Well, I’m not dead. I’m the lion. You’re dead.

Michael Scott: When I said that I was king of forwards, you got to understand that I don’t come up with this stuff. I just forward it along. You wouldn’t arrest a guy who was just passing drugs from one guy to another.

Andy Bernard: Break me off a piece of that…Chrysler car?……Football cream?

Pam: They say if you are nervous around someone you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.

Michael Scott: I’m an early bird and a night owl. So I’m wise and I have worms.

Dwight Schrute: (After he didn’t tip the sub man) Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

Michael Scott: God. Stanley, that’s frickin brilliant. How do you know that? Did you learn that on the streets? I’m sorry…
Stanley: Oh, it’s OK. I did learn it on the streets. In the ghetto in fact.

Ryan Howard: Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s old job. Which means at my ten year high school reunion, it will not say “Ryan Howard is a temp”. It will say “Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a midrange paper supply firm”. [pause] That’ll show ’em.

Michael Scott: Yankee swap!

Andy Bernard: [To Michael] I forgot to tell you the plan for this Saturday. You, me, bar, beers, buzzed. Wings, shots, drunk! Waitresses – hot! Football, Cornell-Hofstra, slaughter! Then quick nap at my place, then we hit the tizzown.

Michael Scott: I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon. Sue me. And since I don’t have a butler I have to do it myself… so, most nights before I go to bed I will lay out 6 strips of bacon out on my foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again, then I wake up to the smell of crackling bacon. It is delicious, it’s good for me, it’s a perfect way to start the day. Today I got up, I stepped on to the grill and it clamped on to my foot. That’s it. I don’t see what’s so hard to believe about that.

Dwight Schrute: When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered, that I had resorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.

Kelly: I don’t talk trash, I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mom is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening like right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact ’cause I got the evidence right there.

Michael Scott: Yes. It is true. I, Michael Scott, am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it, and I am going to do it. I need a username, and… I have a great one. [types something] ‘Little Kid Lover’. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.

Darryl: Hey. How ’bout stop yelling at our sweet little Miss Kapoor over 500 sheets of paper and get back to your desk, and start selling multiple reams like a man.

Michael Scott: I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!

Dwight [Reading suggestions for health-care coverage: Who thought of this one? Anal fissures.
Kevin Malone: That’s a real thing.
Dwight Schrute: Yeah, but no one here has it.
Kevin Malone: [quietly] Someone has it.

Creed Bratton: I’ve been involved in a number of cults. Both as a leader and a follower. I had more fun as a follower. But you make more money as a leader.

Andy Bernard: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really. Then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

Pam Beesly: There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, “what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?” He said, “If I’m dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.”

Michael Scott: You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to?
Enjoy the show tonight!

September 24, 2008

Watching paint dry…

Filed under: Uncategorized — prothro @ 6:51 pm

So apparently it’s true that most things in the world are more fun than watching paint dry but here I am, sitting, watching paint dry.

When we moved to our new house we were lucky enough to have the names of all our paint and floor colors. So today I went to Home Depot to get a can of paint for touch ups around the house cause by moving, the refrigerator fiasco etc. (for those who don’t know our refrigerator was delivered to our garage because they weren’t allowed to unpack the box and it wouldn’t fit in the front door, well we ended up having to take the front door off to get it in and then we had to take the refrigerator doors off to get it through the hallway so there were some scuffs) Well Mr. Home Depot told me that’s not a color they carry its only carried by Monarch, then he let me know that it is cheap, lame, terribly uncool paint. Then suggested I repaint everything. No thanks Mr. Home Depot, that’s entirely too much painting to cover a few scuffs. Then he offered that Home Depot could paint it for us. Then I reminded Mr. Home Depot that he’d probably want money in exchange for this kindness, and i wasn’t interested in paying anymore than a bucket of paint might cost. So I left to head to Monarch to buy my lame, awful, horribly ridiculous paint. I mean seriously paint is paint when it comes to touch ups in my mind, Sadly, even Monarch doesn’t care this shade of white anymore. So the guy gave me a can of his best bet and asked me to call and let him know how well it covers.

So here I am wondering if the match is too white or too dull or if its still wet. So I wait…
and i blog for the third day in a row!

September 23, 2008

Babies!!!

Filed under: Uncategorized — prothro @ 7:38 pm

Don’t get excited!! We are not, I repeat NOT pregnant! However, the baby brain is at least starting to churn, in large part because some of our very best friends recently found out that they’re expecting. Plus, as mentioned earlier we just got our 4th nephew!! So no matter what it looks like our kids will be the much younger set of cousins in both of our families who are two young to do all the cool stuff their big cousins are doing. Luckily, they’ll be so awesome and cool the older cousins will forgo their activities to play play-do with our kids.That’s the plan at least. Anyways, I just wanted to share some predictions for the future and let you add or revise yours if you like.

Predictions for Baby Prothro:
From the Roomies:

Jered and Ali-December 2010
Will and Laura-July 2010 (they are expecting in March!)
Ian and Gina-October 2010 (we have thebest chance of being preggers together)
Us-October 2011

From the Forgies!

The baby will be born in…(after the wedding)
8 months (A tad premature but a honeymoon baby) – Daniel
10 months (Sep 08 baby – yeah!) – Jesse
11 months – Adam
1 year (Valentine’s all the way) – Andy
1 year, 6 months – Nyc
1 year, 7 months (just not before Darcie and I do!) – Matt
2 years – Lindy
2 years, 9 months – Darcie
2 years, 10 months – Megan
3 years, 1 month – Miriam
3 years, 5 months – Stoner (which is the name she actually wrote down on the paper)
3 years, 9 months – Rebecca
4 years, 2 months – Suzanne
4 years, 11 months – Schmale
5 years, 4 and a half months – Jess
(Sorry Daniel, Jesse, Adam, and Nyc, you lose. And Matt, you’re on your last hope)

So that’s how the bets line up. now we’ll just have to wait and see but for the time being let me just say that I love, love, love it just being Evan and me!

P.S. Let me reiterate, we are not pregnant.

jPhone to the rescue

Filed under: Uncategorized — prothro @ 4:14 pm

So apparently I can now blog from my phone. Which means little updates whilst in line at the post office to mail cookies. Yipee.

So here is the update:
1. Texas backroads are beautiful and full of cows.
2. The Rocks are moving to Austin tomorrow.
3. I have a fourth precious nephew named Cody.
4. We finally made sushi. It was a big success. Even geoffs aluminum roll.

Another update: I’m not used to doing this on the phone yet so the photos don’t go in the right order. See if you can mix and match. Yay for brain games.

September 22, 2008

new house!

Filed under: Uncategorized — prothro @ 8:28 pm

Evan and I are officially homeowners! Within a month, we went from just dreaming of a home of our own to looking, buying and moving. It was an absolute amazing blur. Currently, I’m in the living room overlooking the oak trees in the back yard and smelling the delicious aroma of fresh baked cookies for the monthly roommate cookie exchange. (I’ve already eaten two uncooked dough cookies, and of course I’ll have to eat one cooked cookie to make sure they’re good.) So basically, I’m sitting here basking in the sights and smells of our new house and feeling grateful that apartment life is now a thing of the past. As a tribute to the past, I’m creating a least of the top things I’ll never miss about Dakota Springs Apartments:

TOP THINGS I’LL NEVER MISS ABOUT DAKOTA SPRINGS:

  • The guys who smoke…while in the swimming pool.
  • The constantly broken dumpster, leading to giant piles of trash welcoming us through the gates.
  • The tenants who are selectively blind to their dogs’ turds and the green bags provided for disposing of them.
  • Evan’s car getting towed from our own lot. And the management who thoroughly didn’t care.
  • The ongoing leak into the guest bathroom ceiling, that was “fixed” on several occasions.
  • Taking groceries/anything up or down a flight of stairs.
  • The young gentlemen (I’m using that word loosely) who lived at the bottom of our stairwell, listening to music with his friends.
  • The “luxury” amenities (i.e. move screen, pool table) that aren’t available after 5, just when Evan gets home to use them together.
  • The un-hot tub.

That is a long enough list to make me terribly happy every time I drive up to our perfect new house. By the way, just tried a cookie and they are delicious and terribly easy. Looking forward to Heroes and a little baked potato action tonight.

Last but not least, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JESSICA LYNN SCHMALE. One of my most favorite people in the world. Enjoy the big 2-5. I’ll be there sharing the quarter life crisis soon enough! Love you!